


If these sheets were the states (and you are miles away)

by threepartsofme



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 07:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14327517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threepartsofme/pseuds/threepartsofme
Summary: " Their worlds are polar opposites. Changgu's awake when Yan An's asleep and vice versa, the only time when their schedules meet being the last few moments before Changgu hits the stacks and just when dawn filters through Yan An's windows. "Alt. Changgu's life was almost 'perfect' until his boyfriend, Yan An, started working abroad and their love is tested by the ocean between them.But is distance the only thing pulling them apart?





	If these sheets were the states (and you are miles away)

**Author's Note:**

> I started working on this December 2016 and stopped around mid 2017 (unfinished) and after reading through it recently, decided that "I worked too hard on this to give it up" bc I had around 20000 words when I paused it so hsngsh. I know Honggu is the shit now and Yeo An is ~dead~ but ssHHH 
> 
> α means past and β means present
> 
> And advanced apologies for the messy grammar (I'm too busy to beta read hnsg)

**β**

  
The sun just disappeared under the horizon. The concrete jungle has taken a midnight hue, the few peaceful moments just before the lights are switched on and floods the entire city. To some, the call of their second life, the onset of their nightly escapade - whether it be craving for another's touch or an attempt to replace every fluid in their body with alcohol. And to others, it is tranquil. The ending of their shift, exhausted and aching all over as they try to get a wink of sleep in the train and pray they don't go over. Pulling on their headphones and lose themselves in the music. Instead of an escapade, it is retirement.

And Changgu's in the latter. Water is boiling off on the stove in the kitchen as he prepares his dinner. Instant ramen. Of course. What else is new? Not the healthiest but it keeps him full. He adds an egg and lettuce sometimes, maybe even cheese. (If he gets a raise, maybe.)

It's not like he can't afford better food, really he can - he's got more than enough actually - but that money is better saved in his pretty little bank than a gourmet dinner. Plus, he made a promise.

He peels off the lid of his cup noodles halfway through and pours the simmering water inside, throwing in some green onions he grows by his kitchen window, chopped, before closing the lid again with a coaster.

He brings it over to his bedroom, careful to only touch the rims (don't want to burn your fingers), and sets it on his desk beside his laptop. It's opened to Skype.

As if on cue, the status icon turns from grey to green, a small pop-up appearing in the corner to notify Changgu that _'_ _Yanan is online'._

He doesn't hesitate to press video call.

A familiar tune plays, the words ' _connecting_ ' displayed on the screen. After two rings, it opens up to a heavily pixelated webcam.

_And to some far far away, the night was morning, and their day was only just starting._

"Good morning Yan Anie," Changgu says, opening his cup noodles and twirling it around with his chopsticks.

"Good evening to you too," Yan An replies groggily. Even though pixelated, Changgu could see that he was rubbing the remnants of sleep from his eyes.

"Did you sleep well?" Changgu asks, slurping up some of his noodles.

"Yes." His morning voice was incredibly husky. Changgu loves it but the poor connection doesn't do it justice. It comes out all cracked and robotic. "How was work?"

"It was fine," Changgu shrugs.

Yan An furrows his brows, "You always say that."

"Then come here and make it good."

"If I could, I would. You know that," Yan An chuckles, a tinge of sadness in his voice. "You better be keeping to that _promise_."

"Aye, sir," Changgu salutes him mockingly, though he probably did it too fast for their internet to process. _Curse this distance._ "Are you adjusting well though?"

It's only been a month since Yan An left to work overseas. Recommended by his boss back in Korea and boom, a few months later and some paperwork and there he was. Yan An wanted Changgu to go with him and so did Changgu himself but he was utterly horrible at English (despite being Yan An's study partner. Honestly, all he did was criticize Yan An and smart-ass him, throwing random idioms or overly complicated he googled a few minutes ago that no one would actually use in a normal conversation) and he'd have troubles finding a job. It's too much work and fees, Visas and such and he doesn't have a company to back him up. He didn't want to depend on Yan An either (even though Yan An said it was perfectly fine with him).

"I miss Korea," Yan An sighs, standing up to walk to his fridge which was just a few meters behind him. "But it's OK. I still struggle with English though."

Neither of their living conditions was fantastic, meager at most. A studio apartment for Changgu and a shared apartment for Yan An with some Korean dude named Hongseok who Changgu apparently was grade school friends with or something -- it's fuzzy -- and also apparently worked in Yan An's company even before he came (Yan An swore he's never seen him before though) and that Changgu had told him several times but that obviously didn't stay in his head. Still, Yan An considers himself lucky - he would've died if he had to live with a local or by himself. He already has enough trouble deciphering their accent and Yan An is already unfit to take care of himself, not in Korea, let alone a foreign country.

"Wah~ Look at you -- knowing three languages," Changgu cooes, clapping mirthfully, "I'm so proud," he puts his hands dramatically over his chest, scrunching his face in faux pain.

He doesn't need to see to know that Yan An just rolled his eyes at him. He never did like flattery, no matter how genuine. Changgu laughs.

"I need to go," Yan An yawns, eyes flickering to the time displayed at the bottom right of his laptop, "Eat well."

"You too," Changgu says, holding back his frown. It took him by surprise, their calls lasting shorter and shorter every call. "Have fun at work."

"I-" he tries to squeeze in one last thing but Yan An already ended the call.

He looks at his cup sadly and presses his lips into a thin line, fist tightening around his chopsticks.

\---

**α**

  
After Yan An had graduated high school, his parents deemed him responsible enough to care for himself and went back to China. They offered him to continue staying in their apartment in Daejeon but after some thorough thinking, Yan An rejected the offer, his excuse being that he wanted to live closer to his university. (But really it was because a penthouse was far too big for only one man and it carried too many memories that it was almost suffocating.)

He didn't really care what the house had as long as it was close to the university (and Changgu's house) and had what it needed - ample workspace and a patio. (he liked the evening breeze.)

If Yan An knew _this_ was going to happen, he wouldn't have picked an apartment so small.

It was four years after Yan An moved in, first Friday of November when Changgu knocked on Yan An's door. Of course, this was a normal occurrence, something Yan An was so used to by then that he almost made a spot for it on his timetable. But he knew this one was slightly off when Changgu came at 8 in the evening instead of the usual 3-6pm and he looked quite dishelved which is - okay, Yan An always had problems with Changgu's presentation - but this time there was something so odd about it that Yan An just couldn't pinpoint.

Maybe it was his left cheek and how it seemed redder than usual and a bit swollen, but that's normal during fall right?

Knowing how slow he could be when it came to anything social and whatsoever, he kept his mouth shut in case he made everything awkward and there's nothing actually wrong with Changgu and that he probably just met up with his classmates for a project and lost track of time and he's just being paranoid - for what? He didn't know either but his guts are being weird and it's not going away and- _what should I do?_

"Have you eaten?" Changgu asked from the kitchen. Yan An blinked a couple of times, wondering when the hell Changgu got there. _I spaced out again, didn't I?_ He cleared his throat, closed his front door and locked it before walking over to him who was rummaging through his fridge. That habit started when Yan An wasn't eating enough and being a Food Science student, he took it into his hands that Yan An stayed well fed. He would check his cabinets and fridge if there were food religiously every time he stopped by.

(If there weren't, Changgu would forcefully drag Yan An to the nearest grocery and they would roam the aisles together, giggling as they take turns to ride the cart whilst hoping the security guards don't catch them and Yan An praying that he doesn't crush the eggs when he tries to get out of the cart because _no, I am 22 years old. I will not show up at the register on a fucking shopping cart,_ and it was so fun that sometimes, Yan An would purposely forget to restock so they'd go on another shopping adventure.

A year later, the habit stayed but their little grocery quests became history and Yan An wished he had let Changgu wheel him to the counter just once, no matter how embarrassing it would've been because now he doesn't know when he'll get another chance.)

It's only when Changgu looked at him, forehead creased with concern, that Yan An noticed he hasn't answered.

"Y-Yeah," Yan An stuttered, rubbing his nape awkward. Changgu's always been a sweetheart - thoughtful, patient, cheerful - but when his mood took a downhill turn, he'd radiate an aura that's absolutely terrifying.

"Good." Changgu nodded to himself and Yan An mentally sighed in relief.

"Hey," Yan An wrapped his arms around Changgu's waist from and nestled his head at the curve of Changgu's neck. "You should stop worrying. You're starting to get wrinkles."

"Impossible," Changgu scoffed, rolling his eyes in pretend exasperation, "It's you we're talking about here. How am I supposed to stop worrying when you can't even make your own food?"

"Yes I can, you just don't let me," Yan An hummed, "I make pretty good Chinese food, you know."

"You always make a huge mess though."

"In my defense, I only cooked in front of you once and I was nervous that time."

"Aww, you were nervous?" Changgu cooed. He pulled Yan An off him and spun around, hands on hip. "Fine then. I'll give you one more chance," he wagged a finger in front of Yan An's face.

"Okay then. Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

(Yan An failed but only because Changgu cheated and kept trying to tickle him. Yan An got his revenge later, though.)

It was only when Sunday came that Yan An found out.

Changgu would sleep over at his apartment every weekend and they'd share his bed. Changgu always slept on the left because it was closer to the window and also at an angle where sunlight doesn't rudely hit him in the face and try to fry his eyelids off when it filtered through in the morning, unlike Yan An's side but Yan An didn't care enough to complain.

But the sun rays weren't here this morning and so wasn't Changgu.

Yan An sat up on his bed, softly cursing the poor heating of the apartment. The damn cold woke him up. He makes a mental note to get the heater checked but immediately striked it off when he remembered that Changgu liked the cold.

 _Changgu_.

 _Maybe he went home already_ , Yan An thought, rising to put some clothes on. It's unlikely that Changgu went off so early especially since it's been raining since last night and it's bone-cold and that meant he'd want to be with him and cuddle, right?

It's not only cold, Yan An felt hollow too. And suddenly the odd gut feeling from Friday came back and he's pondering over why Changgu came so late again as he prepared himself a cup of coffee. An unsuccesful attempt to take his mind off of it. He felt a coil knot tightly in his chest. Suffocating, almost.

He considered calling him. Made a mental note not to sound interrogative. Changgu's always been the sensitive kind, fragile. The last thing Yan An wanted was to make him feel even worse. What should he say though? _Hey, you left without telling me. What's up with that?_ Is that too aggressive? Too straight to the point?

The front door swung open and Yan An almost broke his neck turning to see who it was.

A figure walked in slowly, shoulders slouched, hands hugged around his ribs, hair tousled. His clothes were sprinkled with water, sleeves and pants drastically wetter than the rest of his outfit and his blue sneakers made a sploshing sound as it hit the floor. Changgu, unmistakably.

He brushed his hand through his hair, looked up and inhaled a sharp breath of air. His eyes went wide at the sight of Yan An, mouth parting as if to say something but nothing did.

"Where were you?" Yan An asked, brows furrowed in disappointment that Changgu left without telling him but relieved nevertheless. His tone said otherwise though and he immediately regretted talking on impulse.

"I just went for a w-walk," Changgu finally found words but they sputtered out like his voice didn't even trust itself. He averted his gaze to the floorboards and pointed his feet inwards.

Yan An's always been the quiet type, preferring to observe than interact, whereas Changgu was a ball of energy and amiability. To Yan An, he was scary, yet intruiging, and he found himself watching the youth quite closely, storing all his habits and quirks in the back of his mind.

Like how his ears would go firetruck red whenever he was flustered as seen during high school, when girls would confess to him every other Friday. Changgu had always been a sucker for compliments.

Or how he would push his hair back every other second like he was programmed to do it and it was so annoying that Yan An swore to tie his hands up together (and almost did so) once.

It's an odd detail that Yan An had noticed years ago but he's glad he did -- Changgu pointed his feet inwards when he was scared.

He's not sure if it's voluntary or not but ever since he found out, it served as Yan An's wake up call. A safe 'word', one could say. Something to penetrate through the dense haze in his mind and knock into his senses that _Changgu isn't okay. Do something about it._

Yan An ran his fingers through his hair, blowing softly through his mouth to try to relieve his frantic nerves. Counted to three. Blamed his father for his short temper that he had inherited. _You can't be angry. There's no reason to be angry._

"I-" he started, combing through his hair anxiously again, "I thought you went home." His voice had gone considerably softer.

And yet, Changgu still flinched.

It felt like the weight of the world was now on Yan An's shoulders.

Changgu was acting strangely, hands braced around his chest, head low and avoiding eye contact. Yan An hadn't seen him sad for so long that it's disconcerting when his happy-go-lucky nature starts to falter. Worse of all, Yan An didn't know what to do. Even with the steady patter of the rain and the whir of the water heater, it felt deathly quiet, tension hanging on the air between them.

"What's wrong?" Yan An muttered, walking up to Changgu and placing a hand on his shoulder. Changgu jerked away from his touch as if Yan An's palm was at boiling point. Yan An quickly retracted his arm. Bit down on his lip until he tasted blood.

"You can tell me anything," Yan An tried again but it came out weak and unsure and that seemed to hurt Changgu even more. He hit himself mentally. He's attended so many workshops about confidence, public speaking and persuasiveness but never one about comforting people. (and he really should have.) He could probably convince someone that the Earth is flat but when it came to something emotional, his tongue would fail him and everything would just get twisted somewhere between his mind and mouth and come out all wrong.

So he just hugged him.

Enveloped Changgu in his arms, rubbing his boyfriend's back with his thumb in a steady rhythm because if words can't speak for him, then actions should suffice. Have to suffice.

And it worked.

Changgu stayed still for a few seconds before throwing his arms over Yan An's shoulders and burying his face in his shirt. It's only now that Yan An noticed Changgu's glistening cheeks.

They stayed like this for a while, until Changgu's able to speak without getting interrupted by his sobs and Yan An had planned out a rough idea of what to say and what not to say.

Yan An was now sitting on the couch horizontally, back against the armrest while Changgu lied ontop of him, his head situated at Yan An's lower torso and their legs tangled together across the length of the furniture. He played with Changgu's hair, twirling his finger in his (too) long black locks, softly humming a Chinese lullaby.

"She found-" Changgu started but it's more air than words so he cleared his throat and attempted once more, "She found out on Friday."

Yan An's heart almost stopped. _Changgu's mother._

"Kicked me out. I have until Wednesday to find a place and get my stuff," Changgu continued, voice cracking near the end. "I... I don't know what to do."

"Live with me," Yan An said without hesitation.

"I'll only trouble you," Changgu rejected, face scrunched up as if Yan An just said something incredibly ridiculous. And to him, it really was. "It's my fault so-"

"No, it's not." _it's my fault._ "But it is a problem and if it's your problem then it's also mine."

"Yan An-"

"We're bound to end up living with one another anyway, right? I mean, we're only 23, that's pretty early but I guess life had other plans."

Changgu quieted down, nodded his head in a silent and hesitant agreement.

"So, what about college?" Yan An queried after a beat of silence.

"I'm... I'm dropping out," Changgu said simply as if it was the weather. Now it was Yan An's turn to glower.

"What?" Yan An tried to keep his tone down. His parents' strictness rubbed off of him more than he thought.

"I can always continue next time," Changgu shrugged.

"But-"

"Look, neither of us have a job and I don't want to always rely on you. It feels wrong to stay here if I don't at least help with the bills."

He took a deep breath. It's Changgu's choice and he should trust him, right? "Okay."

"Okay?" Changgu repeated, surprise painting his face.

"Yeah," Yan An shrugged.

"I thought you'd lecture me about education or something."

"Would it change your mind?"

"Nope."

"Exactly."

Changgu blinked once. Twice. Cocked his head and squinted his eyes as if he were trying to read Yan An's expression

"What?" Yan An finally asked.

"You're weird today," Changgu said.

"So are you," Yan An poked the man's nose.

Changgu scrunched his face, lips tightened into a thin line, brows furrowed, silent as mouse. He eased after a while though.

"Thank you," he breathed.

Yan An just smiled.

\---

**β**

  
Their worlds are polar opposites. Changgu's awake when Yan An's asleep and vice versa, the only time when their schedules meet being the last few moments before Changgu hits the stacks and just when dawn filters through Yan An's windows. A huge inconvenience. Neither in the mood to talk but they make do.

They look forward to off days. Most of the time, their rest days don't match but at least one person is prepared. It's when they share work stories, recent events, and whatnot, fingers crossed that their internet doesn't sabotage their call which happens more times than they like. Sometimes, they resign to texting which is also good, but not the same. They won't get to hear each other's voice or see each other's faces even though it's heavily distorted, and usually a hindrance.

He saunters to the train station after a long day at work. _Just like every day,_ he thinks bitterly, but smiles at the thought that he'll have a rest day, a good 24 hours to himself before being thrown back into the routine for another week or so. It's the only thing that motivates him to keep track of the date. Everything else is smudged into a blur of work commutes and hollow Skype calls.

The train is packed to the brim and he silently wishes for a car. But that'd mean getting a drivers license and also, obviously, a car which costs millions of won so that's a dream for next time.

He reaches home in 45 minutes or so. He fumbles for his keys sleepily, drowsiness already taking over his body. He fights to stay awake. _Need to wait for Yan An._

He unlocks his phone, opening the clock app where Yan An's time zone was saved. _He should be waking up soon_ , he mutters to himself as he goes off to turn his laptop on and prepare some cup ramen.

Yan An goes online a few minutes later.

"How are you?" Yan An greets. The connection was much better than last time, offering a clearer image of him.

"Fine," Changgu utters, sipping some of the broth of his noodles to keep himself awake. He looks up and notices Yan An's red eyes. "You okay there?"

"Me? Yeah. Why?"

"Your eyes. They're red," he says as-matter-of-factly, forehead creasing with worry. "Have you been sleeping properly?"

"Been trying to brush up on my English. I don't want to keep relying on Hongseok," Yan An explains, "But I'm fine, don't worry."

"Did you even sleep?" Changgu's voice suddenly drops.

Yan An doesn't answer.

"Call in sick and get some rest."

"No. What if I lose my job-"

"Yan An."

"Changgu I'm fine-"

" _Yan An,"_ he repeats, more sternly this time. "Please."

Yan An stays still for a while before nodding his head slowly. Changgu would've mistaken that the call had frozen if not for the fan whirring in the background.

"I hope to see you here when I wake up," Changgu says, leaning against his chair with a sigh, arms folded over his chest.

"Don't you have- Oh right," Yan An slaps himself on the forehead, "Off day. Forgot, sorry."

"Yeah yeah, go to sleep," Changgu tuts, shaking his head slightly.

"Where would I be without you?"

"Possibly dead." Yan An stifles a laugh. "Rest well."

"You too."

**Author's Note:**

> Yan An's supposed to be working in the UK but the timezones didn't work so I changed it to Canada but it also didn't match with the plot's so uh just imagine :'))
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading! And I hope you enjoyed? I'll TRY to update weekly (exams are coming. kill me)


End file.
